KIA
Dog Clothes
Jan 26th
OMG!
I was outside the house checking the windows and measuring up bits and pieces when I heard someone approaching. I quickly hid behind the chimney and kept looking to see who it was. Oh my god, I couldn’t believe what I saw! It was an elderly gentleman walking his K9 friend dressed in clothes!
That’s right dog clothes, never before have I seen an animal that had to be dressed in order to stay warm, I thought come on fella, it’s a dog, it has fur to keep it warm, it doesn’t need a jacket.
Anyway the guy passed by and I climb down to get some lunch. While I was enjoying my ham sandwich I checked my email and chuckled to myself about the dog, so while I had the computer on I did a quick search for dog clothes. Oh my god again! It’s big business there are tons of sites selling all sorts of items, everything from t-shirts and vests to ad hoodies. What is the world coming too?
Just another driver down
Dec 11th
During my time spent abroad slaughtering the French, I had to keep my identity hidden, therefore I used to have two or three different names on the go all the time. If I needed something delivered or had to send a letter etc I would never use my own name.
Although I’m now retired and live in the middle of nowhere I still have to keep my name and my past a secret. This is right pain the arse when internet shopping, last time Tesco’s sent me my weekly they changed their driver and everything went pair changed and I had to take him out. Tesco’s did call a week later and ask where there driver was. I denied everything!
Basically I had managed to build a good relationship with the delivery driver (John), he would call my mobile an hour before delivery, I would leave the cash for him to take in a discreet part of the woods to collect and in return he would leave my shopping, happy days! On this occasion John had a dental appointment so he arranged cover with his now buried co-worker.
Mr Co worker thought he would be a smart ass and hang around to see who I was, unfortunate for him knew nothing of me being a lethal assassin, the same second he clocked me approaching, he was brown bread!
I didn’t tell John of what happened, and I managed to make a few quid selling the Tesco truck on Ebay! HAPPY DAYS!
